‘And Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done that you have stolen my heart and carried away my daughters as captives of the sword? Why did you flee secretly, and steal me, and did not tell me that I might have sent you away with mirth and with songs and with tabret and with harp, and have not allowed me to kiss my sons and daughters?” '
Laban arrives at his camp with other confederacy leaders, mainly his sons. But Jacob must have been very surprised at the way Laban approaches the matter. These words are very different from those Laban had originally planned and are not what Jacob was expecting. The armed force makes it clear that the intention had been to force Jacob back to Paddan-aram in ignominy, and Jacob knew it. And that is what he expects. But unknown to him Laban's awesome experience has made him wary. He no longer dares to demand that Jacob return, so instead he seeks to put Jacob in the wrong socially and personally, and to demonstrate the deep hurt that Jacob has made him suffer.
“Stolen my heart.” Probably having in mind the tribal possessions Jacob has taken with him, but possibly including his daughters and grandsons.
“Carried away my daughters as captives of the sword.” Nothing makes clearer that he sees what Jacob has done as similar to an act of war. It was, of course, untrue, for they had gone willingly, but Laban cannot bring himself to believe that. Like many powerful men he did not perceive the harm he himself had done. He is trying to demonstrate that he is in the right.
“And stole me.” He is saying that Jacob had stolen what was a part of Laban himself. The unity of the tribe and family was very heartfelt.
“And did not tell me that I might have sent you away ----.” This idea results from the change of heart brought about by his experience with God. He is now in two minds. On the one hand he wants to restore the wholeness of the tribe, but on the other he recognises that, in the light of the theophany and the divine threat, he is restricted. So he seeks to salve his pride by putting Jacob in the wrong on other counts. Thus he suggests that Jacob has behaved dishonourably by leaving without proper farewells. But both he and Jacob are aware that had Jacob approached in the way he described, his departure with all his possessions would have been prevented.
“With mirth and with songs and ----.” The picture is a brazen fiction and brings a smile to the face for its very effrontery. This was the way in which Rebekah had gone to Isaac (24:60), but the situations were very different. She was going to marry a powerful man who has paid handsomely in marriage settlements and guarantees her safety and protection. The tribe was not diminished but rather enriched. The thought of Laban and his confederates rejoicing at the departure of Jacob with all his possessions, together with his wives and children, all connections of the tribe, is ludicrous. He might have been allowed to leave, but he would have been allowed to take little with him, as both of them well knew.
“And have not suffered me to kiss ---.” Laban adds one fiction to another. The picture of him as the fond grandfather longing to kiss his grandchildren goodbye is simply a way of putting Jacob again in the wrong, and is equally ludicrous, although family ties were very strong and in its right place this would have been true.
So Laban is trying to put things in the best light for himself in view of the limitation placed on him by God. Yet we must be fair to Laban. He has much right on his side. The breaking away from the tribe was against all convention, as Jacob himself well knew. Indeed had it not been for God's intervention there would have been no such sentimental thoughts on Laban's part. Jacob would either have had to fight for it or have been put under arrest and brought on his way back to Paddan-aram, along with all he had, to face his punishment. But God's intervention has made the difference.
Genesis 31:28-30 (28b-30)
“Now have you done foolishly. It is in the power of my hand to do you hurt, but the God of your father spoke to me yesternight, saying, ‘Take heed to yourself that you do not speak to Jacob either good or bad. And now, though you desire to be gone because you are very homesick for your father's house, yet why have you stolen my gods?”
Laban knows that all the right is on his side although he would no doubt have admitted, if pressed, that any attempt by Jacob to get away with his possessions openly would have been in vain. So he still takes the position of the aggrieved party, albeit warily. He now has in mind the confederacy leaders. They must have been wondering at his attitude. Why did he not just insist on the return of the miscreants? So he stresses Jacob's homesickness. He had other tribal loyalties.
Laban is not, of course, aware that Jacob left at God's command but he does know that Jacob had put himself in a dangerous position by deserting the tribe secretly, and that the confederacy leaders will have to be pacified. Then he explains why he is being so lenient. He has had a vivid experience of God which he must obey.
It is at this point that he mentions the stolen gods. That the gods were the last thing on Laban's mind comes out in that he has not mentioned them until now, but they provide a further grounds for complaint, a further means of blaming Jacob, and they were unquestionably important to him. Their theft is a flouting of his authority as well as being an insult to his family. And it would be seen by the confederacy leaders as a grave offence. Thus if he could get these back it might satisfy the confederacy leaders that their journey had not been in vain. Poor Laban. He now has to pacify his own supporters because of the change of mind produced in him by his dream.