By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
Ver. 1. By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth.] She had not a name good enough for him, she therefore makes use of this powerful periphrasis. Before he had been "her beloved," but now "the love of her soul," because now he had withdrawn himself. It was night with her now; she "walked in darkness, and had no light," as Isaiah 50:10, and as before daybreak the darkness is greatest, so was it now with the woeful spouse. She was indeed upon her bed of ease, but to her in this case it was a little ease, a bed of unrest; her soul was tossed and troubled with solitary seeking, longing and looking after him whom "her soul loved." "By night," therefore, or "night after night," sundry nights together, as some read it, "she sought and sought," being constant, instant, and indefatigable in the search; she sought him early and earnestly, with utmost attention and affection, with her "whole heart and soul," Jer 29:13 according to the measure of her love to him, which was modus sine modo, as Bernard hath it. Now whatsoever a man loves, that he desires, and what he desires, that he seeks after, especially if he apprehend some singular worth in it. "In Christ are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." Col 2:3 He is "better than rubies," saith Solomon, "and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared unto him." Pro 8:11 Hence the good soul seeks him as eagerly as the mammonist seeks silver, the ambitionist honour, the famished man bread, the condemned prisoner a pardon, or as one that seeks for a lost jewel, he overlooks all till he hath found it; Christ I must have, saith she, whatever it cost me - this gold cannot be bought too dear. She longeth sore, as David did, saying, "Oh that one would give me of the water of the well of Bethlehem!" 1Ch 11:17 Oh for a blessed armful of the babe of Bethlehem! such as Simeon once had; give me Christ or else I die. None but Christ, none but Christ. All is but dung and dross to Christ. Php 3:8 God offered Moses an angel to go along with them in the wilderness; he would have no angel, nor stir a step unless God himself would conduct them. Barak would not march without Deborah, &c.
I found him not,] i.e., I had not so full a presence nor so fast hold of him as I desired. He had got behind the wall or the window, as in the former chapter, and, Joseph like, concealed his love out of increasement of love, as also that he may stir up strong affections after him in the hearts of his people, for he well enough knows how to commend his mercies to us, as Laban did his daughter Rachel to Jacob - by holding us off - by suspending us for a season. Even barren Leah, when unloved and unlooked on, becomes fruitful; and the drowsy spouse, when she misseth her beloved, becomes restless till she have recovered him. "In their affliction they will seek me early." Hos 5:15 Affliction excites devotion, and makes the saints seek again with a redoubled diligence, as here. See Psalms 78:34,35. It fares with the best sometimes as it did with St Paul and his company in the shipwreck, Act 27:20 when they saw neither sun nor stars for many days and nights together. In this dismal and disconsolate condition, if they can but cast anchor and pray still for day, Christ will appear (as here, Son 3:3), and all shall clear up; the day will dawn, and the daystar appear in their hearts. "Mourning lasteth but till morning," Psa 30:5 and "the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: it will surely come, it will not tarry." Hab 2:3 But what shall we do in the meanwhile? may some say. How shall we sustain our spirits, since "hope deferred makes the heart sick?" "Though it tarry, wait for it," saith the prophet. Have patience, and learn to "live by faith. The just shall live by his faith." Son 3:4 We are usually too hasty, and do antedate the promises. Neither will any reason satisfy us, unless we may have all Christ's sweetness at once, and at present. Excellent is that discourse that Mr Bradford the martyr makes in a consolatory letter to a good woman that was troubled in conscience. a You are not content, saith he, to kiss Christ's feet, with Magdalen, but you would be kissed even with the kisses of his mouth. You would see his face, with Moses, forgetting how he biddeth to seek his face, Psa 27:8 yea, and that for ever, Psa 105:4 which signifieth no such sight as you desire to see in this present life, which would see God now face to face, whereas he cannot be seen but covered under something, yea, sometime in that which is clean contrary unto God, as to see his mercy in his anger, &c. How did Job see God, but, as ye would say, under Satan's cloak? &c. You know that Moses, when he went to the mount to talk with God, he entered into a dark cloud; and Elias had his face covered when God passed by. Both these dear friends of God heard God, but saw him not. But you would be preferred before them. See now, my dear heart, how covetous you are. All, be thankful! be thankful! But, God be thanked, your covetousness is Moses' covetousness. Well, with him you shall be satisfied. But when? Forsooth when he shall appear, &c. God would have his people discontentedly contented with what measures of grace and feelings they have attained unto, and to know that tota vita boni Christiani sanctum desiderium est, b the whole life of a good Christian is a holy desire after more, and that those very pantings, inquietations, and dissatisfaction cannot but spring from truth of grace and some taste of Christ.
a Acts and Mon., 1490.
b Bernard.